


ooh I need you like a heart needs a beat, but it's nothing new

by sanzuh



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post Season 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26949310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanzuh/pseuds/sanzuh
Summary: Jon at Sansa's coronation.This is just a really short drabble. I started playing around with that "lonely, lovely, lethal" quote about Val, and trying to find a way to use it for Jonsa, and then it turned into this angsty little nugget.
Relationships: Jon Snow/Sansa Stark
Comments: 15
Kudos: 64
Collections: Jonsa Autumn Drabbles 2020





	ooh I need you like a heart needs a beat, but it's nothing new

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Day 7 of the Autumn Drabble Event
> 
> Title from Timbaland's _Apologize_

Sansa looked like a true queen as she sat down on her weirwood throne and accepted her crown. He could have cried, if he still had any tears left after everything they had been through. He’d never seen a lovelier sight, and yet, he could also see the loneliness she tried to hide. He’d seen it before, but the cold, fierce look on her stony face was new, or perhaps it wasn’t. Perhaps he’d only refused to see it. 

He’d been her big brother, her only family, her King. He was supposed to be in charge, he was supposed to be smart and better and stronger, to protect her, to keep her safe. And he had failed her. He’d sacrificed everything for her, and he’d still failed her. But she hadn’t. She’d done what those before her hadn’t. She’d taken every disappointment she’d suffered in her life and fixed it, all by herself, in her very own way. 

_"The Queen in the North,"_ the men and women all around him started shouting, but he couldn't find his voice to join their chorus. So he just remained where he was, in the shadows, to look at her one more time. 

_Lonely and lovely and lethal_ , he decided as he watched her accept the oaths of the Northern lords, _and I might have had her_. Her, and Winterfell, and the name of the man he'd called father all his life. Even after everything he had done, she would have given it all freely, without asking anything in return.

He could have been selfish, and accepted it, but that would have been wrong. Instead he had chosen a black cloak and a wall of ice. Instead he had chosen whatever shred of honour was still left to him. A sort of honour that was suitable for a bastard, though he'd never truly been one. 

Even after everything he’d done and witnessed, he had still tried to do what he thought was right, and he had broken her heart all over again. _It was the right thing to do,_ he told himself for the twentieth time that day.

She'd wanted him to stay for the coronation, her last request after he'd refused all others, and at least part of him was glad that he had, but he'd leave tonight. No one would want him to be there at the feast, except for her, but it was better for her if he wasn't.

He wouldn't linger. He'd leave her as soon as possible. The short pain would be best for her, and then she could start to heal. She would be better off without him, a broken shell of the man he'd once been.

This time, when new shouts of _"Queen in the North"_ started filling the Hall again, his voice was the loudest of them all. 


End file.
